30.5.16

Looking At The Brighter Side Of Life


It's been a while since my last blog post and you are probably wondering what is wrong or what is happening? First and foremost, I am doing okay both physically and emotionally ;) I usually would rather not mention or write about my personal life issues in order not to mix it with work etc. I guess sometimes it can't be helped but drop a little hint here and there since keeping it to one's self is not the right thing to do and perhaps reaching out to loved ones and friends is one of the best thing to do in times like this.

The past few weeks I decided to stop what I have been doing and decided to re-think and re-plan (also known as procrastinate a little bit more). I am a very emotional person (I am a drama queen, I was told recently haha) but emotions is what moves me, this is where I get both positive and negative energies from and thus too embarrassed at times to admit it that I really am going through emotional stress always fearing what others would say and their judgement so whenever I am having some dull moments I would choose to retreat to my little shell and not worry anyone about it. I asked my self: Is  this going to help me at all? my answer is simple: It won't. 

I know it's never good to keep things locked up inside because one day I know you are just going to explode when the time comes that you are unable to keep all those emotions locked away but at the same time there is that fear of being seen vulnerable in front of others.

My solutions? I honestly have tried everything to break my routine.. From waking up very early then start working out early and just change everything even my way of thinking and looking at things, but you know that they said "things doesn't change overnight", I agree. As a very impulsive person I would do things without even thinking of the consequences for my actions and at times end up regretting my decisions, but sometimes you need to take risks to see which things would would work  out for you instead of sticking to your routine and trying to make or convincing your self to be happy even though deep inside you really are not. 

I have also been suffering from lower back problems for weeks and it also made me grumpier than usual since I can't do anything about it and pain killers gives little help and thus added more uneasiness to my situation. At first they thought it was related to digestive problem since the pain is also affecting my lower abdomen but they can't find anything that relates the two together. I spent several times back and forth to the hospital getting examined and trying to figure out what is wrong / happening to me but unfortunately they are unable to give me a proper explanation and finally told me to make an appointment with a Traumatologist since it could be related to my physical activities. I have been working out non-stop and was probably burning more calories than what I have been eating if that makes sense and living an unhealthy lifestyle (sometimes skipping meals!). 

I stopped working out for a week and see if there would be any improvement and honestly I feel so much better though eating healthily (and properly) helped a lot too. I am almost but not yet certain about resolving my current personal issue but whatever decision I come up with or whichever direction I choose at the end of the day I know there's always light at the end of the tunnel and I honestly can't wait to see that special light and get back on track. Please bear with me a little bit more ;) hugs and have a good night!